I know that what I am feeling is not new. People have been experiencing grief since the beginnings of time. I am just amazed at how I can rock along, doing pretty well, then the feeling just overtakes me. Gathering all the laundry. Touching a watch band. Passing a favorite restaurant. I am grateful that there are so many good memories and that no words were left unsaid. Remembering the riverboat ride in New Orleans. Walking back to the hotel from a bar in Oaxaca where we had waaay too much to drink. Good conversations. Discussing politics. Sitting outside watching the cardinals bring the fledglings to the feeder. Cuddling. Just plain enjoying each other. The anticipation of the evening homecoming. Reading separately but together. Days spent on the lake fishing. There are so many things that I can appreciate and be grateful for. But, damn it, I wasn’t ready for it to end! I know that I have to now develop a new routine, create new ways of doing things, stay busy but find time to grieve. Time.
I am so sorry you are going through this. All I can say is that, with time, it does get better.
I’m sending you virtual hugs. It’s too little and too lame, but well meant.